#319 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Halloween 5 blows. Not even because it’s even a bad movie, it’s a pretty by-the-numbers slasher flick, but it undoes all the greatness of Part 4.
The Return of Michael Myers ends amazingly: Dr. Loomis says Michael Myers is in hell, we all think we’re happily ever after, then little Jamie Lloyd, Michael’s niece, stabs her mother to death with a pair of scissors. Loomis attempts to shoot her, before the sheriff knocks the gun out of his hand and he falls to the floor screaming “NO!” That’s hardcore. Way more hardcore than most mainstream horror movies at the time, it was a gutsy move that said this franchise wasn’t done breaking the rules. So how do they follow it up? By resetting the status quo.
Jamie didn’t kill her mom, she merely wounded her. And really, she wasn’t even doing the killing, she’s psychically linked to Michael and that’s what influenced her (seriously). Meanwhile, Michael Myers survived the fall down an exploding mine shaft and floats down a stream (yep) during what I like to call the Michael Myers Log Flume Ride. Michael is unconscious, but saved by some dude who lives in a fucking shack (for real), who nurses him back to health, just in time for him to wake up and kill the guy the following Halloween (uh huh).
Completely pointless characters start dying, the only person of importance except Jamie and Loomis is killed off minutes into the film and it’s just a really long slog to the only thing that matters. Jamie vs. Michael is a great sequence and the idea that Michael wants to kill his niece because she calms his rage is as good an explanation as they’ve given for anything, so just when it looks like Part 5 is going to redeem itself, it falls apart again.
25-year SPOILER ALERT!
So Loomis captures Michael in a net (seriously²) and a guy who has survived being shot at least three dozen times, burned alive *twice* and had his eyes stabbed, is incapacitated by a tranquilizer dart and a dying old man hitting him with a wooden board. But hey, at least Ahab got his whale, right?
WRONG! The Man in Black shows up and breaks Michael out of prison. Now, this leads us to the Curse of Thorn stuff, which I’m eager to revisit with the finally released Producer’s Cut of Halloween 6, but keep in mind that Part 5 came out in 1989 and ended on a massive cliffhanger that didn’t get answered until 1995… and even then it’s up for debate if it was worth it.
I reiterate: Halloween 5 blows.
Viewed on October 20, 2014.